THE SIDE CHICK EXPERIENCE: EPISODE 2.

  

More often than not, we think that we hold the reins of our life but truth be told, it is just a make belief to boost our esteem and make us think that we are in charge of our lives when in the true sense life is in charge of our lives. Something so powerful can happen so suddenly and your life gets pivoted in a totally different direction and in just a moment with the littlest of effort your life changes forever. Almost like the Chaos theory, a small incident that can have a big impact on your future.

       It sounds like mindless musings from a random person but it is not mindless and neither am I a random person, because a little bird whispered in my ears that you have read about me. Yes! Me! I am she, the one who he referred to as “his number one”. This is not a defense or acceptance of guilt but rather a chance to share with you what I consider my truth, because I’m only human and no matter how high our values may be, we all fall down at some point, but I feel no pain. I fell but I got caught in his arms like a new born cuddled by her mother after delivery.I never thought I would lose control of my resolve until I met him. He was and is all shades of amazing. I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. How three years have gone by and it seems like we have barely moved an inch since then is simply astonishing. Anyway, what was I saying? The day we met.

    Beautiful October afternoon, I was walking down the road to a client’s house, the sun was at its peak in competition with nobody but itself. I consoled myself with loud jamming hip pop music playing through earphones plugged in, it is a little wonder I did not hear the horn honking until I felt a touch on my arm. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned and saw this gorgeousness of a man smiling at me. My first reaction was to take offence but then, I smiled. I betrayed my hard self and smiled instead. I felt locked in a beautiful moment beyond my control. He claimed he had wanted to give me a ride as he noticed the sun was clearly on a warpath but I seemed to be in another world entirely. Why I responded nicely to him, I may never know because his wedding band was right there “obvious and glaring” warning me to walk away and say no more. Oh! I see you also screaming at me, why didn’t you walk away? But the ring called to me, and like Sméagol, I whispered in my head “my precious”.

     Well, I am sure you figured I did not walk away because in the days that followed, it felt like we had known each other our entire lives. My face always lit up every time he called on face time. He was so confident, good Lord! It was one reason I never actively walked away, even though in every conversation I realized it was just beyond his confidence. He is a total man! Sometimes in conversations we had, he would ask me to be his and I would tell him with so much confidence in my voice (not in my heart though) that it would never happen, and he would smile so confidently and say “it will only be a matter of time”. You already know he was right because soon he was all I could think about every second of every day. Even the times I tried to make him feel like he is forcing himself on me, so I could control my exposure to him and it  sometimes  almost works, but then I see him……. Oh my! He is beautiful and that is one heck of a vulnerability. I melt immediately like butter pierced by a hot knife, and for the first time since I started dating, it felt so good to say “I love you” out loud to someone without fear of rejection. He loved me in a more satisfying way than I ever have been loved. He loved me completely.

     Our connection was one so strong that with all my resolve to not even as much as say hello to a married man, I could hardly walk away on the first day. I know at this point the moral judges of the federation have shown up in the highest court of the land, the prosecution team have worked hard to put me before a partial jury to hand me my sentence and tell me that I am ‘a shame to the virtuous women community’. This is a judgment I may not have the chance to appeal as I have been adjudged guilty and not given the chance to prove my innocence. I am my own defense team. I know you would say there is no “I” in team but there are 5 of them in “Individual Brilliance” and I swear on all stars to prove that I have done no wrong. Isn’t it innocent until proven guilty again?

    Sometimes I want to fiercely fight my accusers and other times I just get tired of fighting and hope they see things from my perspective. Will I be asking too much of you, if I asked you to believe me that on a normal day three years ago before I fell in too deep, I would have been in the crowd screaming “Crucify HIM!”. Ignorance is bliss they say, but on this day I say “have at it”, send me to the cross, nail me there because I found love in the hopeless of all places and I cannot seem to find my way out.

    This is not an acceptance of guilt but rather my truth because I am only human and no matter how high our values may be, we all fall down at some point. I for one, am happy where I landed.