Stagnation, my new obsession .

Ever been in a predicament were you have no clue what to do next, who to be next, when to be what you need to be even up to matters as insignificant as what to eat ? I like to call it the stagnant stage.

Stagnant stage: a phase in life which does not allow you to experience new success, joy or achievements because you have been stuck in a particular level with no hope of moving forward.

Sweethearts! That's the phase I am experiencing, a phase where I know I have to write, but I know not what to write, I have to eat but I don't think it fixes the problem, I need new business ideas but yet I seem to fall short, I need love all  round but it seems the world is already consumed by hate. So what do I do ? I am sick and tired of trying to be and look miss Perfect. It hasn't helped me in anyway , because people do not expect me to have problems. In fact their everyday wish is to be like me, but they have no idea what goes on in my mind behind my beat face, my slayed  body and even my oral b smile because, I have mastered the act of pretense so well, that I deserve a Nobel for my ability to mask the truth even from the shadows . 

I am dead inside and I can't seem to find the light at the end of the  tunnel, or was it just a figurative statement meant to give hope to us susceptible and gullible children to swallow hook, line and sinker as we enjoyed the charade of the fact that whenever life got  tough there  was a supposed and expected victory at the end of trying times to keep us going. But how can I experience the victory when the phase won't pass over like the angel of death did the Israelites, rather it rests on me as it did on the Egyptians. I know am speaking Bible, but it seems to be the only book that can explain this emptiness I feel, looking out the window and watching all my dreams die inside of me, long before anyone gets a chance to see it manifest. Is there a doctor for this , a medicine or even a miracle? or just anything that could pick me out of this dormancy into a free flowing terrain? I might speak as one who is lost, but truth is I am still on the verge , cos if I were lost I won't be able to realize my faults nor my issues. I am desperate for help, what should be my solution? 

My name is Desire! And this is my current state of the heart.