Harobed TALES

Alexander Emmanuel Longsam Thomas (1995-2019) I planned to post this article on your birthday in April,but I was a mess.I thought I was stronger and that the pain from your passing had started to heal, but then I realized that even though time heals all wounds, I had not taken enough doses to heal me from the pain I feel every time, I think of you and all the memories we had. Today isn’t the day you died, but today is the day I found out unceremoniously while sitting at the back of an uber a year ago. I remember loosing it and breaking down, then wiping my tears and saying “this is obviously a joke, no one has said anything to me”. I refused to acknowledge that you were gone forever, even when your obituary graced my phone screen. I honestly do not know if this will go away, the hurt I mean, but I feel it in my soul that you are in a beautiful place. I see you in my dreams a few times telling me it will be okay! It might sound cliche to the readers, but I can hear you whisper “their

   More often than not, we think that we hold the reins of our life but truth be told, it is just a make belief to boost our esteem and make us think that we are in charge of our lives when in the true sense life is in charge of our lives. Something so powerful can happen so suddenly and your life gets pivoted in a totally different direction and in just a moment with the littlest of effort your life changes forever. Almost like the Chaos theory, a small incident that can have a big impact on your future.        It sounds like mindless musings from a random person but it is not mindless and neither am I a random person, because a little bird whispered in my ears that you have read about me. Yes! Me! I am she, the one who he referred to as “his number one”. This is not a defense or acceptance of guilt but rather a chance to share with you what I consider my truth, because I’m only human and no matter how high our values may be, we all fall down at some point, but I feel no pain. I f

  Alexander Thomas Emmanuel Longsam For all the pictures on the gram I didn’t like. For all the goofy comments I didn’t post . For all the phone calls I never made. For all the hurts that I never forgave. For all the times I never reached out. For all the times I put a wall up so you could never reach me. For all the times I thought you’d never leave me. For all the times I took your love for granted. For all the times I took advantage of your friendship. For all the times I’d never hear your voice because you’re gone. I grieve !  The Curse   I thought we’d grow old together  Remember how we said that we’d be funky grandparents sitting down on our pouch by the beach, Skyping each other and gossiping about our grand kids and their crushes. How we talked about lighting up the stage with our fine acts. How you wrote me a letter telling me this friendship was for eternity.  What do I do with all these failed promises ? How do I cope with this v