HOW WAS I TO KNOW?

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DAY 17 OF THE YEAR 2018.
New entry into the diary.
The way I feel at the moment almost makes me wonder if one can ever truly find HAPPINESS, considering I have been searching for the 25years of my life. Oh! I know what you’re thinking and wondering at the same time so I’ll just give you the answer without hearing the question. Yes! Even in childhood happiness somehow managed to elude me. How I to know that life was would get so suffocating? Each time I laughed or smiled it looked so genuine that if a grieving widow saw me she would go green with envy but it wasn’t real. How was I to know, that laughs didn’t necessarily mean joy within? I am guessing that my special gift from God was academy award deserving acting skills, because damm girl! I was good, so good at making people laugh that I was tagged “happy don comedian”. 


Oh and before I forget let me introduce myself, my name is Happiness! Ironical right? I couldn’t agree more. So I am quite sure by now that you understand my dilemma, of being in a predicament far beyond my comprehension, because by norm I should have enough joy to go around town.
But no! It eludes me as though we are playing hide and seek and I am the seeker whilst my happiness is the hider. I have tried every trick in the book I know, relationships, money, fancy stuff, high class meals, comedy shows and what have you, but none seems to work. Well actually some did work but in barely six months I am back to where I started again and again. How was I to know, that material things wouldn’t fix this?
It seems as though all I know is the nagging empty feeling in my heart, it seems that I might never experience love and all its brothers and sisters, it seems I am doomed to wallow in sorrow, depression and pain because I do not see why I cannot just for a few seconds experience a piece, just a piece of this joy I seek. Maybe it is my punishment after all, Dad says it all the time that I would know no peace because I took Mum away from him. How was I to know? I was only 3 years old! How was I to know that things like the gas cooker and cylinder where not tools for a little girls hands? How was I to know that Mum, would take it lightly and still strike the match, despite the fact that she knew the obvious consequences? How was I to know that the surgeries and expensive health care would not save her?
HOW WAS I TO KNOW?
Location: Nigeria Eleko Beach Rd, Lekki, Nigeria
Welcome to Harobed Talks, hope you enjoy my mindless musings, experiences and imaginations.

Comments

  1. Unknown19 January 2018 at 11:01

    Perfect real life issues

    ReplyDelete
  2. Afrika4Jesus22 January 2018 at 15:13

    And how would I understand this parable? How would I?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Debbie Obierika31 January 2018 at 10:08

    I guess we will never understand! Parables are somewhat tricky

    ReplyDelete

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